I am often surprised by how time moves.

Some days it slips through my fingers. Other days it stretches endlessly in front of me.

Time can be your worst enemy or your greatest ally.

For me, time has proven to be the biggest catalyst for change.

It has been almost three years since our home burned down.

I have to admit, it was the most surreal experience I have ever encountered in my life.

When death crossed my path before, there was an understanding- these souls were leaving, and it hurt like hell. But that is the essence of life, isn’t it? There is a beginning and an ending. As much as I didn’t want to lose my parents or have my children lose their father, that is part of the human experience.

But the fire was different.

That experience felt truly out of body.

When they say fire has a life of its own, they are not wrong. It flew. It crept. It jumped. It filled space. It was determined to consume. I tell people all the time- I have never seen fire move like that. It isn’t what you see in the movies. Fire wants, and fire takes.

Even now, it can feel overwhelming to think about. What I lost was a sense of safety!

I remember sitting on the curb of the road as seven or eight fire trucks roared in. Ambulances. Police. Volunteer response services. The smell of burning plastic. Tires popping. Engines roaring. Windows exploding. People everywhere, too many people, all at once.

My daughter was barefoot, shattered because we didn’t get the cat or know where he was.
My son paced back and forth, trying to gather and offer information to calm his own nervous system.
My work-wife fought her way through the crowd to get to me.
Phones rang endlessly.

And there I was- frozen in literal shock.

I remember thinking, I should be crying. This is one of those moments where you cry.
So I wailed. Tears fell.
And almost immediately, another thought followed: This is stupid. Crying isn’t going to help. Your life is completely different now.

That’s when my intention shifted. I knew this couldn’t be the end of our story.

The physical effects of being in the burning home started to hit. My CO₂ levels rose. I was rushed to the hospital. A camera was shoved down my throat to check for burns. My eyes were examined to make sure ash hadn’t damaged my vision. I lay awake in a hospital bed until they discharged me the next day- with nothing but the clothes on my back and my phone.

I went to my work-wife’s house and started making calls.

I don’t think I’ve ever been more attuned to what needed to be done- while also being the most robotic version of myself I’ve ever known.

This wasn’t about survival anymore.
It was about the fact that things needed to get done- and I was going to get them done.

Three years later, I own my own home.

I have released my book, shedding light on the trauma that comes from toxic expectations.
I am sharing my passion for emotional intelligence- self-awareness, self-reflection, and accountability -in healthy relationships.

Yes, there have been hurts along the way. But I was recently reminded just how beautiful life can be when you rebuild it.

Driving past the construction site of the new condos, I am often struck by a sense of peace. A knowledge that EVERYTHING can be rebuilt- if the foundation is good!

For me, that truth applies in every area of life.

You can weather any storm in your relationships when the foundation is solid. When you have seen someone’s soul. When you can look at them and know they are still trying. I believe in rebuilding and restoration!

And I am not willing to give up on that belief just yet.
I can’t.

The condos may look different now. The layout has changed.
But the foundation is holding the rebuilding process.

And it is beautiful.

Fire taught me something time continues to reinforce:
structures fail when the foundation is weak- homes and relationships alike.

But when the foundation is honest, intentional, and rooted in care, you can rebuild again and again.

That is the story I choose to believe in.
That is the life I am still building. I hope you join me!

With all my love, 

Xoxo J