My friend called me yesterday- just to check in. 

He knows I’ve been sitting with pieces of our shared past… a past that was twisted and used against me, rather than honoring the reality of what we experienced together. He knew I would need his support and love this week. 

As I filled him in, I joked that I’m making better choices this time around.

But after we hung up, that joke lingered.

Because it’s true.

And it made me think about who I was seven years ago.

I’ve already said that 2025 has been giving strong 2019 energy.
Open heartache. Broken trust. Faith stretched thin.

But as I sit here now- in my beautiful home, watching the sunrise, completely alone but completely at peace….I realize something:

I am not the same person I was back then.

And for that, I am deeply grateful!

These days, I joke that I don’t need a man in my life.
(And honestly… a man would have to come find me at home before I went looking for him.)

But underneath the humor is truth.

Back in 2019, I thought there was a “hole” in my life- something missing that only someone else could fill. I chased connection like it was the answer. I believed being chosen meant I was whole again.

Now?

That space has been filled- with love, joy, peace, and gratitude for the life I’ve built.

Not because someone gave it to me.
Because I gave it to myself.

2019 me didn’t know how to process what she was going through.
She was overwhelmed, hurting, and trying to survive.

Instead of growing, I spent too much time sitting in self-pity.
Instead of healing, I searched for identity in anything outside of myself.

And that made me vulnerable.

Vulnerable to distraction.
Vulnerable to validation.
Vulnerable to choices that only made things harder.

Enter: the boyfriend.

I convinced myself I was “drawn” to that relationship.

But if I’m honest?

“Drawn” was just a softer way of saying I ignored every red flag waving right in front of me. I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to feel like I mattered again. I wanted to be someone.

So I chose something- someone- that wasn’t right for me.

And that decision followed me straight into 2020.

2020 was hard for everyone. But for me, it felt like living in a never-ending dark valley.

It’s interesting- because for most of my life, I thought of highs and lows as mountains and valleys. That’s how I learned it. The mountain was where you wanted to be. The valley was something you endured, something you escaped.

But this past year changed that for me.

Valleys aren’t just places of struggle.

They can be beautiful too.

If you look at the world, valleys are often where life thrives- lush grass, flowing streams, warmth, growth. The sun still reaches you there.

And yet, so often, we walk through valleys with our eyes fixed on the mountain- wishing we were somewhere else- missing everything that exists right where we are.

I’ve done that.

But I’m learning not to anymore.

This valley hasn’t been easy.

But 2026 me is different.

She’s older.
Wiser.
More grounded in her truth.

Instead of rushing to climb out, I’m allowing myself to be here.

To notice the beauty that still exists, even in the middle of something hard.
To lean into my truth, even when it’s painful or questioned.
To listen when my friends remind me who I am, when I forget.

And most importantly-

To choose differently.

Because growth isn’t just about getting back to the mountain.

Sometimes, it’s about who you become while you’re in the valley.

And this time…

I’m becoming someone I’m proud of.

With all my love, xoxo J