It’s been an interesting week. I’m doing everything I can to process my feelings in a healthy way. I hate being angry. I hate feeling hatred. I hate drama. All I want is to lead with love and kindness-so much so that genuine, authentic relationships become undeniable.

So, imagine my surprise when I realized the anger had left… but I was still holding onto the hate.

Why? Because it feels like protection-from myself.

I know who I am. My family and friends know me. I have a bleeding heart, and at times, I am my own worst enemy. And right now, I’m in a dangerous spot.

The past month and a half has been beautiful. My son graduated. My daughter was promoted. And all of it happened while my ex-husband’s parents were visiting-a reminder that when both sides of a relationship prioritize what truly matters, anything is possible.

I also had a beautiful one-on-one reconnection with a longtime friend and inspiration. Their support reminded me that no matter how others try to twist or weaponize our past, no one can take away what made that bond special in the first place.

As the relationships around me continue to elevate, I’ve started to open my heart to the idea of reconciliation. And the moment that thought hits me-I grip the hate again.

Because healing only works when we can tell the difference between what we want and what we need. And the truth is, what we want will almost always scream louder.

What I want:

To see him again.

To finally talk to him.

To get the answers I ache for.

To be reminded that the love I gave wasn’t in vain.

To know there is power in authenticity, grace, and kindness.

To believe that the person I knew is aligned with the person he’s still trying to become.

What I need (and I’m not sure he’s capable of it):

Real answers about how I became the villain-how did that happen?

Honest, personal conversation.

Accountability for the ways the truth was twisted.

Public acknowledgment.

Safe, clear boundaries.

Permission to be angry.

Genuine effort.

The freedom to question and feel seen in my distrust.

A reminder of why I fell in love in the first place-because I didn’t give my heart away lightly.

Time-not silence. Not space. But shared moments. Rebuilding through small joys while allowing space for harder conversations when trust starts to feel safe again.

The hard truth is: what I want and what I need don’t erase the pain that’s been caused-not just to me, but to those around me. I want to model healthy love for my children. But they’ve seen me cry far too often. They’ve watched me forgive what was unforgivable.

When I held undeniable evidence of betrayal, my son asked, “I thought you guys were good?”
And all I could say was, “So did I.”

Friends have rallied-defending me, feeling anger and heartbreak on my behalf. Wanting justice. Holding space for me to grieve.

This is the dance of reconciliation. The risk of trying to rebuild something real. And relationships that are real-undeniably real-require terrifying levels of transparency. They require even scarier accountability.

But if we can walk through all of that?

What’s on the other side… is Undeniable.

Well and here we are; If you’ve ever found yourself tangled between what you want and what you need-you’re not alone. The journey back to yourself is never linear. It’s messy. It’s full of false starts and flickers of hope. And sometimes, it requires holding onto uncomfortable emotions just to feel safe again.

But I believe in reconciliation-the real kind. The kind that’s earned, not rushed. The kind that transforms, not just soothes.

Because when love is met with effort…
When truth is met with accountability…
When wounds are met with care…

What’s left standing-after the dust, the doubt, and the distance-is something you don’t have to explain to anyone.

It’s undeniable!

Thank you for walking this road with me. For letting my heart speak in this space. For anyone out there doing the hard work of healing-I see you. Keep going.

xoxox J