There aren’t many people I would rearrange my schedule for, let alone drive three and a half hours just to share a meal. But sometimes, life nudges you to show up, no matter the distance.

For me, this was one of those moments. I couldn’t miss the chance to say goodbye to my long-time friend and inspiration.

I had known this day was coming…..our paths slowly drifting apart, the space between us widening little by little.

And in that moment, as I sat there with him one last time, I felt it –  the quiet ache of absence settling in before he had even left. 

Suddenly, I felt more alone in the world.

Not a lot has changed since he hurt me in April. The truth is, I’m still hurt. Still angry. There are questions I carry that remain unanswered, and some days I want nothing more than to demand them. I want clarity. I want him to see and acknowledge the ripple effects of his choices. Be accountable!

And yet, almost in the same breath, I find myself holding gratitude.

Because somehow, out of something so painful, something unexpectedly beautiful was born. Whatever he intended to harm or break me, became instead a doorway to restoration between two lifelong friends. Against all odds, healing grew out of hurt. And though it surprises me to even write these words, a part of me wants to actually hug him and thank him for that.

There’s another part of me, too – the one that resists, but still dares to hope. The part that wonders if reconciliation could someday be possible. That imagines what it might look like to fix what feels broken, to sit across from him and prove that love can outgrow cruelty. To show that the love I continue to carry for him – even in this dark season – is somehow bigger than I can explain, even to myself.

As my friend and I reminisced over lunch, stories flowed easily. We laughed at old memories, marveled at the twists and turns that brought us here, and reflected on the ways we’ve both grown.

The truth is, we’ve been through so much together. The highs and the lows, the messy moments and the beautiful ones –  all of it shaped us. Those years taught us how to love better. How to love more authentically. How to define ourselves in the face of people and circumstances that tried to do it for us.

In many ways, it was the perfect goodbye. Not just an ending, but a recognition of everything that had been built between us. A quiet celebration of a beautiful chapter closing, even as another one begins.

And maybe that’s the lesson I’m meant to carry forward: that sometimes love shows up not in the grand gestures, but in the willingness to sit with both the hurt and the hope, to honor the goodbye, and to keep the door cracked open for what might come next.

with all of my love my friend, xoxo J