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Leading with a Heavy Heart
“I know they are always talking about me,” she said, crumbling in my arms as tears streamed down her face.
She wasn’t being dramatic-she was being honest. My employee, a kind soul who just wanted to belong. And as I held her, my heart split into two-I knew that pain. Too well.
There’s a specific kind of ache that comes from realizing you are not just misunderstood-you are misrepresented, dissected, and passed around in conversations you were never invited into.
It doesn’t matter what industry you work in-hospitality, tech, retail, corporate-gossip is the currency many use to climb ladders they didn’t build. Meanwhile, truth is an inconvenient distraction to the stories people craft for convenience or control.
So what do you do?
You pull away.
You start choosing silence over engagement. Safety over vulnerability. You say less, share less, and show less-not because you don’t want to connect, but because connection has come at a cost you’re not willing to keep paying.
You try to live with honor, dignity, and authenticity. You mind your business. You protect others even when they haven’t protected you. You hold their secrets like sacred ground-because that’s who you are. And yet, somehow, your own name ends up in someone else’s mouth.
You carry the weight of betrayal like it’s your fault, wondering if maybe you were too open, too soft, too trusting.
And still… you show up. You keep leading. You keep loving. You keep believing that integrity matters-even when it feels like you’re the only one playing by the rules.
Here’s what I know:
Leadership is lonely.
Authenticity is expensive.
And choosing love over gossip will cost you-but it’s an investment with soul-level returns.So to the one reading this who’s been burned by whispers in rooms you never entered, please hear me:
Your character speaks louder than their conversations.
Keep your head high.
Keep your heart soft.
And never apologize for walking in truth-even when it’s lonely.Real friends don’t need gossip to feel powerful.
Real leaders don’t need secrets to feel important.
And real relationships are built in the quiet spaces where honor outweighs ego.You are not alone.
And you are not crazy for wanting more.You’re just awake.
with love – J
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Self- Reflection
“Honestly, I’m Just Not Feeling It Anymore”
That’s what I told the marketing team for my book.
I’ve been here before.
It was the spring/summer of 2019.
Fear and lies took the wheel of my existence, steering a narrative about me that was almost laughable-if it hadn’t hurt so badly. It was like someone grabbed a microphone and started narrating my life with bold confidence… except they were reading from a script that had nothing to do with the truth.Suddenly, I didn’t feel safe around people. I was on the brink of a deep depression.
I couldn’t tell the difference between friends and spectators. The ones who were just waiting to get the latest story, the newest information, updated on the gossip.
Gossip, oh the thing about gossip is-it’s rarely about truth. Gossip is all about who can tell the juiciest version of your story. Who can rewrite your identity with just enough spin to make it stick.I hate that.
And I refuse to play that game. I refused to give into the temptation to go on the attack!Looking back now, I am beyond grateful that I didn’t.
In the aftermath of that season-years later, through small, intentional choices like choosing reconciliation over retaliation, respect over rumor-I watched a nearly broken friendship, one that was decades old, transform into something beautiful. Beauty that shows up during the hardest times of my life; as well one of the friendships I leaned into the day after a knock on my door hurt me in more ways than I could imagine.I have worked so hard, and always work so hard to repair what is important to me! The people who are so important to me!
That’s what I care about. That’s what drives me.
I don’t want to walk through this life with a trail of broken relationships behind me.
I want to be the kind of person who reflects, owns my part, and seeks repair-not revenge.But let’s be honest: that path is hard. Especially in seasons like this.
When someone weaponizes a past they never lived. A past with years after it and decades before it. A past they sought out, but never tried to understand. Engaging in judgment rather than awareness.
When their narrative says more about them than it does about me.
I understand. I want to show compassion and empathy, it still hurts. All the same.So here I am-again-sitting quietly.
Waiting.
Waiting for the truth to rise.
Waiting for fear and fiction to give way to clarity and conversation.Hoping-against hope-that choosing steadiness over spite will matter.
That holding my head high will mean more than defending every misinterpretation.Because I’ve learned this:
Sometimes the only thing louder than the lie is the life you keep showing up for.And I’m still showing up.
Pushing past that hollow, hopeless ache that creeps in when you’re unsure if what you’re doing still matters. The one that makes me question every choice to give love, support and encouragement. Because – well not all land the same and then I struggle. It is this time when I feel like I’ve failed to make a difference.
When the care I offer-the genuine love, support, and presence I try to give-is misunderstood, manipulated, or twisted into something it never was.That kind of rejection. It cuts deep.
Supportive friends will say, “It’s their loss.” And they mean well. But when your heart is wired to love and connect, it still feels like your failure.
I have no words of wisdom my friends – rather, decide what is most important to you and hold true to it. No matter the price, no matter the pain. Live the life that you want to leave as a legacy!
With all of my love!
Xoxox
J
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The choice
I ran into a friend today- one of those warm, familiar faces who always brings a little light into your day. After the usual catching up, she asked with genuine curiosity, “How are you doing?”
I smiled and replied with my go-to: “Good.”
But this time, she paused. Tilted her head. Looked at me a little deeper.
And then she asked the real question:
“How do you do that? Why does it seem like you’re always so… happy?”And in my head, I thought: “oh if you only knew…..it is a daily choice, my dear.”
And it is so true!
Because joy isn’t a personality trait-it’s a practice.
Peace isn’t a guarantee-it’s a promise you make to yourself.
And healing? Healing is the most rebellious thing you can commit to in a world that often profits off your pain.
There are days when life catches you off guard-when the news, the phone call, the knock at the door carries weight you didn’t ask for.
There are moments when the love you give is misunderstood, manipulated, or mishandled.
When parts of your past-parts you’ve made peace with-are used as weapons in someone else’s war.
When you’re left with more questions than answers, and the ones you trusted seem to vanish when the truth becomes inconvenient.But even on those days, you still get to choose.
And for me, it is the easiest choice, because I know my truth.
I know the quiet, patient conversations it took to repair a friendship that I truly believed was lost.
I know what it cost me to extend grace to someone who hurt me and then hid behind projection.
I know how hard it was to stay grounded when my name was spoken in rooms I wasn’t in-rooms full of judgment, not truth.This is a choice we can all make!
You get to choose who you are in the face of disappointment.
You get to choose how you respond when your name is spoken by those who never bothered to learn your story.
You get to choose whether to carry that bitterness-or put it down and walk away lighter.
And I’ll be honest: I’ve chosen wrong before.
I’ve held on too long.
Spoken when I should’ve been still.
Stayed silent when I should’ve spoken.But that’s the beauty of a daily choice-it resets.
Every morning, you rise.
And every morning, you get another chance to show up differently.
So yes-maybe it does look like I’m always happy.
But what you’re really seeing is someone who wakes up each day and says:I will not let someone else’s brokenness make me forget my wholeness.
I will not let betrayal change my capacity for kindness.
I will not trade my peace for proximity.
I will not invite bitterness into my bloodstream.Because I’ve learned that healing isn’t loud.
It’s the quiet choices. Daily disciplines.
It’s the way you hold your head high when the weight of injustice tries to bend you.
It’s the conversations you have with yourself in the mirror.
The ones no one claps for, but that changes everything.
To the person reading this-if your heart is heavy today:
I see you.
Keep choosing your peace.
Keep choosing alignment over approval.
Keep choosing healing, even when resentment tries to knock.
Keep choosing light, even when shadows surround you.The world may not always understand it.
But your soul will thank you for it.
Because peace isn’t passive.
It’s power.
And every day you choose it-you win.WITH LOVE – XOXO
J
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Self
It’s been a while since I have HAD to put thoughts to paper. I would love to say that I am here because all is well – but that is just not the case.
I have no problem admitting that I have BIG feelings.
I have NO problem admitting that I feel those BIG feelings in a BIG way!
But where I am struggling right now is that I am having SO many BIG emotions that I am FEELING in so MANY ways!
It’s incredibly difficult!
The first and main source of my emotional overload is my book.
The book was a dream I had given up on.
Not just put it on the backburner.
The book felt like it was so outside of the scope of the life I was trying to build – there was no way it could be used to make an impact now, right?
So well color me surprised when I got such positive feedback from day one of the publishing process. To be fair, that may be my overwhelming insecurity at work.
I rarely feel good enough, qualified enough, smart enough, attractive enough – any sort enough, I can promise you I rarely ever feel like I measure up.
So the feedback had been astronomical. I wrote this book in the middle of the night between 2016/2017. 18-20 months of just journaling all of my experiences. Everything I was learning. Everything I was feeling. Every fear, every regret, every joy, every tear.
As I dusted off the book, as I prepped for the first part of the edits, reliving those experiences was, well it was, okay.
I enjoyed my first run through of it. I could see where all of my current passions and core beliefs stemmed from. In that first run of my book, I advocated for healthy relationships. Because well let me tell you – I had NO FUCKING IDEA that there were other marriages just as miserable as mine was.
I just didn’t.
I’d look at marriages around me and they seemed content, happy, enjoyable, intimate, sexual etc. I never imagined that there were other people in such miserable states.
Here’s where shit gets tricky – I was told, raised to believe, blueprinted, that there was always one who was right and one who was wrong.
In that time of my life, relationships were not about collaboration.
Building and growing into amazing and supportive partnerships.
Relationships were about someone showing up in their role, and the other person showing up in their role.
So my role – in its ascribed context – was absolutely miserable.
Again, a life I had lived, knew very well, and could share.
That part of the book didn’t get to me.
What took me down so many emotional turns was when my editors asked me for history/background/context.
Why would anyone want to get on board with some random woman choosing divorce, if they couldn’t understand why the DECISION TO DIVORCE was so monumental.
If relationships are all about a role we are “supposed to play” – and we have now “failed” that role – are we accepting failure or embracing our shortcomings? Where I struggle the most is that I want to be everything for everyone. And I cannot.
I am an imperfect person.
There’s the first part of reliving this book trauma. I am imperfect and well I was okay with the fact that I may never measure up, I fear that I will always fail.
The second part of my book trauma was when the editors asked me to drop into my childhood trauma.
There you will find:
Emotional abuse
Physical abuse
Mental abuse
Religious abuse
It’s overwhelming.
Not because I didn’t know that I had gone through all of this shit. In fact. For 15 years of my marriage I spent 8 years in counseling. Pretty sure, I got some shit worked out.
But what I wasn’t prepared for, what the book brought back to me – so front and center – was that there is a whole movement of people, people in pain, people struggling to reconcile the religious abuse they encountered … .that contributed to so much misery in so many relationships. These people are looking to find an anchor.
I am not an anchor. I do not want to, nor have I ever wanted to be. I’m not a poster child. I’m not a national advocate. In fact, I am not a victim. Because in the end, I was part of the problem. I tooted “the line”. I taught philosophies and mandates that I believe did so much more damage than it could ever do good.
So I struggle. I struggle with what is being asked of me, because I fear I will fail another generation of men and women who do not know how to navigate a belief while establishing boundaries and a passion.
My passion is to LOVE.
All I have ever wanted to do was love those closest to me – with so much abandon that they would never question my devotion to them. I love SO big. I love IN so many ways. I love with all of me. Dedicating every part of myself to those I love.
This flooding of horrific memories, never feeling loved in my childhood, being reminded that I didn’t/couldn’t protect my children from their own trauma – has me gasping for breath.
Longing to curl up in the strong arms of a man who I love and who loves me back.
An experience I do not have.
A vacant position in my life.
I do not have anyone I can stand in front of, with tears streaming down my face, knowing he will hold me until I am ready to let go.
I know right now – I wish I wasn’t living this life by myself.
I have had more victories in the last few months than I could have ever imagined possible. I am getting blessing upon blessing.
This is the only way I have been able to stay afloat.
But I am still so lonely.
My heart longing to love someone.
I have so much love to give, and I can’t.
I want to love and be loved. I want to celebrate and be celebrated. I want to give and enjoy. I want to feel safe and challenged! I want to know that my conversations are growing our emotional intelligence in ways that cannot really be defined!
I have such high standards for my future – however, surprisingly low expectations. I’m waiting for each to be blown beyond measure.
So bottomline – I am reliving some really horrific past trauma, doing my best to lean into the gratitude of an amazing entrepreneur life, and longing for an intimate connection that will provide the safe space for me to feel all of my BIG feelings!
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The Power of Self-Awareness
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom” Aristotle
There are so many amazing gifts that we can give the people in our lives, be it through quality time, words of encouragement, small, personal gifts and all of the other best ways to love someone through their love languages. (If you do not know what those are- contact me- I would love to help you on that journey of discovering your love language as well as those of the ones around you!!!)
However, I believe we overlook an impactful gift that we can give ourselves, our relationships, our communication and the potential for growth from our conflicts.
The gift of self-awareness.
I mean really – how can we ever expect to completely understand what it is that we feel about a conflict, situation or relationship if we don’t do the important internal work. How can we ever expect anyone (friend, partner, loved one) to fully meet us where we are at, when we have no idea personally, where we are at?
Self-awareness saves us from putting unrealistic expectations on the people in our lives. Because let’s be honest, the only person who can save us from ourselves is ourselves! *It’s not to say that we cannot be loved until we first love ourselves (that is a dangerous statement!) rather we have done the work to know our needs as well as our boundaries!
We own our own awareness, our own internal work. Our acknowledgments of our strengths and weaknesses, as well as our short-coming and our invaluable gifts to those around us.
When we employ healthy self-awareness, we learn about ourselves and we set healthy boundaries. We don’t avoid accountability but rather embrace it. We understand no one is perfect so we look for grace while giving grace. We value experiences and employ empathy while seeking sympathy.
Self- awareness goes hand in hand with incredible amounts of growth and relational sustainability!!
Do not underestimate the power of self-awareness!
“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.”–Lao Tzu.
Your coach,
Joni Woods
Relationship and Communication Coach
Journey Coaching
734-436-6200
Journeylifecoaching.life
Joniwoods.com
“Creating the future You want!”
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Exposed Weaknesses
One of the therapists I follow – said “what is ruining relationships is unrealistic expectations and unresolved childhood trauma.” As she continued to expand on this she says “we believe another person should complete us. Make us happy. And take us away from all the negative feelings. But the reality is: no one person can do this for us. A relationship is something we build *with* another person through hard work, self reflection and vulnerability.”
And she is completely right.
It’s that vulnerability that stops us from engaging fully in our relationships. The feeling when you know you are exposed- weaknesses, insecurities or fear can be seen.
Last night, I sat down to have a tough discussion with my special someone. It was a conversation that I had been keeping from him because he has enough going on and I didn’t want to burden him with my drama – because I have no expectation for him to be involved in this drama. Nevertheless, I wanted to keep him informed in case it begins to bleed into our budding relationship.
What I meant to be a quick FYI sort of conversation turned into an hour long chat and I realized that every time I got uncomfortable I would wrap my coat around me just a little bit tighter.
The more I shared about what was/had been going on for the last month (and better half of last year), the more I had to feel the emotions that have been weighing on me.
Hurt
Anger
Disappointment
Tired
Disappointment
Grief
Disappointment
Hurt
I’m not one who hides my emotions well. If I’m feeling something it’s written all over my face – so as I wrestled with the emotions I would wrap my jacket around me in a vain attempt to stop the exposure.
People often don’t recognize when they are being triggered, when they are feeling exposed and lean into it. They disengage from the conversation, they put walls up, or they simply change the topic to move on from it.
I sat across from the table of someone I love and watched as they sat up as straight and tight as could be. And all I wanted to do was reach across the table and hold their hand. Because while I can’t take them away from all of their negative feelings, I sure as hell want to love and support them through their feelings!
I was grateful for the conversation with my guy last night. He didn’t try to fix anything, he listened with compassion and recognized that I am in alot of pain from this situation. He created a safe space for me to let my weaknesses show – my disappointment in the situation as well as the frustration and failure I feel on a personal and relational level.
And then he hugged me and kissed me and I felt our relationship elevate.
Tough conversations do not not ruin relationships, they build them!
Keep having those hard conversations, build trust through creating safe spaces – grow your emotional intelligence and connection! I promise – it is worth it!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Your Coach,
Joni Woods
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The Stories we tell ourselves
I’ve been working the business side of my journey while letting life settle into really healthy experiences on the intimate side.
How does one do that? By having really great conversations!
I feel as though I cannot emphasize enough the importance of coming to the table and talking shit out! Everytime I get the opportunity to have healthy conversations, I feel all of my relationships elevate!
To be fair, I have had my fair share of conversational fuck ups, but the grace that has been given to me as we come back to the table and really talk about what I was feeling has been essential to all of my relationship and personal growth.
Because what I have discovered is that even I need to do a better job of not listening to the stories I tell myself!
Sure I work with people all of the time, and could lean into my past experiences as negative forecasting, however I have the belief that for as much as I understand I can overreact, I can misunderstand, I can assign behaviors, I long for grace and understanding so that I can grow as a person. I don’t want to be a prisoner to poor conversational or conflict strategies that stunt my growth or damage my relationships! I need a safe space to process the feelings that are being triggered and the fears or insecurities that find their way to the surface; so I want to do that for others in my life!
To do that, I need to stop believing the stories I tell myself and to start asking more questions. I need to not allow my insecurities to make up stories about how I believe others perceive me, but ask those tough questions that could potentially expose my fears and weaknesses. When we do this, we are asking those around us to create a safe space for us to grow. It’s tricky work, because we sometimes get lost in the idea that their safe space will heal us, when that is NOT the case.
Their safe space is only meant to help us as WE heal Ourselves!
This is where we can get confused about healthy relationships and what effective communication really looks like.
Healthy relationships are the ones that encourage your growth, that challenge your stuck thinking, that do not allow you to settle into hurtful patterns; and they are able to do so when they ask you those self-reflecting questions! Those questions that take you away from the story you’ve told yourself, and into the “beliefs” that brought you into that story.
Example: you did something “bad” and now you have a belief that you ARE bad! And that belief can lead to a story that you start to tell yourself; “other people think that I am bad too” and the story just escalates and suddenly our relationships are disconnected because of the stories we have told ourselves! It’s a vicious cycle.
We need to stop listening to the stories we tell ourselves and start asking the questions that can expose those feelings, fears, insecurities or beliefs that negatively affect us, our choices and our relationships!
Let me help you in your journey!
Much love-
Your coach,
Joni Woods
Relationship and Communication Coach
Journey Coaching
734-436-6200
Journeylifecoaching.life
Joniwoods.com
“Creating the future You want!”
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The Gift of Shame
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” Brene Brown
The very title of this article can sound like an oxymoron – however the more I talk to people, the more I believe we do not allow shame to be the catalyst for change that it can really be.
*It is important to note that predators use shame to keep their victims in check! If you are a victim of abuse please reach out to a helpline!
As I work with people, I am very aware of just how difficult it can be to initiate change in a person’s life. And a lot of that difficulty stems from the individual struggling to come to terms with the shame and guilt they feel for their behavior.
If we look at shame defined: “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” Let’s reframe that for personal growth – facing the humiliation or the distress that was caused by that conscious behavior is a powerful way to lean into the catalytic change that is possible through shame!
“Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
That statement right there is the heartbreaking truth as to why individuals spend so much time pushing away feelings of shame. What is wrapped up in that need for perfectionism is a self-centered focus rather than a growth mindset.
The biggest question I like to ask is what?
What is holding you back from being authentic?
What is holding you back from accountability?
What is holding you back from taking responsibility for your actions?
What feelings are behind those choices?
Are you afraid?
Afraid of failure?
Are there unrealistic expectations of perfection placed on you?
I tell everyone that I work with, you have to get into touch with your feelings – because those feelings are sneaky bastards. They can slip in and direct your choices in ways we may not fully realize until it’s too late and suddenly we have compounded the problem! We have built guilt upon shame, upon fear, upon insecurity and you find yourself running away or justifying the painful outcomes rather than growing through the pain.
They are called growing pains for a reason. We need to lean into our feelings to see those changes that we long to have in our life!
So how do we do this? How do we face our feelings of shame and use them as a catalyst for growth? Honestly, you could probably do it alone, but may I suggest a better avenue for success and safety…….Surround yourself with people who will love you regardless of your choices. Who shows grace under fire. Who creates a safe space for you to feel your feelings and who continues to meet you at the table to talk! When you bring trusted friends, or confidants into the conversation, you have the belief that they will love you regardless of how hard they challenge you. You know that they will encourage while they keep you accountable. You are protected when you are not in the room and judgments may try to find their way into conversations about you. Those are the people you want to invite to your table!
“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” Brene Brown
The gift of shame is one that can bring so much personal growth as well as compassion for those who are struggling in their own shame spiral.
No one is perfect – we all make choices that can and do hurt others. Leaning into the shame or guilt as a result of those choices encourages us to be more cognizant of potential negative outcomes and then we make the necessary changes!
Let me help you embrace the gift of shame and use it as a catalyst for change!
I’d love to support you!
Please follow me on my social media platforms for words of encouragement and support!
Instagram – joniwoods
Facebook – joniwoods
TikTok – joniwoods730
On my personal websites or here at the SunTimes News!
Sincerely,
Your coach!
Joni Woods, ACC
Relationship and Communication Coach
Journey Coaching
734-436-6200
“Creating the future You want!”
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Setting a Vision
Most do this and call it New Year’s resolutions. There is a difference between a resolution and a vision.
A resolution is a firm decision to do or not to do something
A vision is the ability to think about or a plan the future with imagination or wisdom
I wanted to do this to help me focus on this next year of my life. And I was so glad to be able to do it at the end of January – it was beyond perfectly timed.
January was rough. The gossip, the drama, the heartache. Because hell – I thought I had left that world behind me! Years ago, I heard the gossip about me and thought “well fuck – it wasn’t all wrong” – I’m not afraid to be accountable. I know choices have consequences – even the best intentions come with heat sometimes. You just can’t win for trying.
And in 2016, I was living my best life post-divorce. I couldn’t know what I didn’t know and I had spent my entire life not knowing. But I’d be damned if I hadn’t put all of that behind me. I have grown into a new and better woman. I have grown into someone I believe can speak to so much more because I know that there are gifts you have to embrace in order to change.
So this new drama, this gossip – really fucked with me. I can’t have any negative energy in my life. I had a long second half of 2023, and I want to believe in a better, more rich 2024. A richness that can’t be described in amount but rather in the relationships that I have with the different people in my life!
That’s what my vision board is about! 2024 Believe / Trust Your Gut / Enjoy
Cultivate Calm, Face Uncertainty, Build Resilience
I want to find my girl squad! Those women I know I can call when I need to be reminded that they have my back when I am not in the room! The ones who don’t try to undercut me, but lift me up. The girl squad that reminds me I am a badass bitch and I can do this! The girl squad I know is there even when I feel most alone.
I want to find friends who fill my life with joy and richness. I want to be that kind of friend to them as well. I want us to love each other so much, our energies are so in sync, that our souls are refueled when we are together!
Friends are the building blocks of life. They support us in the journey of our most intimate challenges. They are the guiding lights when the world feels so dark sometimes.
Know Yourself / Set Goals / Work Together: Get Ready
I want to find my ‘Travis’ to my ‘Taylor’, and I want to be a ‘Michelle’ to her ‘Barak’.
I want to know that when we are together there is literally Magic in the Air! We are the people that others make vision boards about. Not because we strive for perfection or popularity, but because we are genuine in our love and support of one another. In both of our passions, pursuits and goals, we just fucking run the world! I want a champion. One who knows how to win, but also how to help others win. I want a teammate. A man who makes me better in the safety of his love.
I want to feel protected by his strength. Safe in his strength. Stronger in his strength. I want him to kiss me whenever he gets the chance to kiss me because he just has to kiss me. I want to be adored for what I bring to the table. I want to be asked for my wisdom.
You’re the cure / Let’s Shine
I want to live my life so bright that people are drawn to me! I want to love on everyone I come in contact with! Where they know they are safe in the warmth of my light. I want everyone to feel safe to be their truest selves and know they are loved for it!
Life begins at the end of your Comfort Zone
I want to achieve all of my dreams! Even the wildest dreams. Even the ones I haven’t thought up yet. I want to be a speaker. I want to be authentic in everything I share! I want people to want to hear what I have to say. I want to be a writer! I want my words to warm the souls of those who read them. I want to challenge the hell out of people! I don’t want people to get lost in their comfort zones! I want them to rise because they believe they can. Because they believe they are safe in their growth. Because they want to celebrate their change.
Live in the Moment / Finding our way back
I want to let the fire go. The deep fears. The triggers. I want to get my kids back to the place of embracing this life we are living. I want them so see me shine. I want them to see me loved. I want them to know what a truly rich life looks like. What it feels like. So they don’t get lost in their trauma. So they don’t go chasing the futile.
Embrace the Awkward
I know I am different. I see the world differently. I see people differently. I see my life differently. I know that I can be awkward and I know that I am years behind where I should be in social skills because of living in so many bubbles. But I know that I am so much more than the titles that are put on me. I want to stop being afraid of what I am not in the eyes of everyone else and lean into – embrace what I know that I am.
DO
At the end of the day, I’m scared.
I need my family (the little bit that is left), I need my friends (both new and old), I need my future ‘king’ to help me through this all. I believe in the power of others. I believe in the strength of support. I believe in inner belief.
I needed this!
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‘Tis the Season
‘Tis the Season.
‘Tis the season for holiday cheer, Christmas Lights, bells ringing, generosity, kindness, matching pajamas, Christmas trees, ornaments, stockings, Elf on the Shelf, Santa Claus, holiday movies, eating out, wrapping presents, mistletoe, cocktails, Christmas parties, family time, making cookies, caroling, rudolph the rednosed reindeer, hot cocoa, family traditions, and opening presents.
So many amazing holiday experiences are at our fingertips during this season!
Yet, ‘Tis the season for financial stress, family drama, loneliness, overwhelming need to impress, depression, grief from loss, over-extending yourself, revisiting trauma and of course, conflict.
For all the wonderful highs that this season can bring, we must remember there are some people out there who are working through some very low lows as well.
Whether you are miserably married and wondering if this will be your last Christmas together, or if this is the first year you don’t get to watch your children open their presents on Christmas morning because of the new parenting schedule that you are still not used to, or you are grieving the loss of a significant loved one who’s missing presence shows the huge gap in your life, or like myself, you are mourning the end of a significant friendship or relationship; this season can throw a bright white spotlight on some very real pain points in our lives.
Now that I have stated the obvious, let me encourage and love on you!
Remember it is OKAY to not feel “Merry and Bright”! Just because this is the “season of joy” you are allowed to feel the grief, the fear, the loneliness that is prevalent with your current situation. You do not have to fake your way through any situation so that you can make others feel good.
Also, you are allowed to find joy or peace or comfort in other areas of your life! If having a lazy day fills your soul- by all means – have a LAZY day!!
If shopping at 11pm calms your stressed out mind because the stores are just too overwhelming midday- by all means, take a nap and then grab yourself some coffee and casually stroll down the aisles!
If using seasonal gift bags saves you the anxiety of wrapping every single gift – then invest in a bulk purchase and throw those gifts into bags!
No one is asking you to over perform during this season! Take a breath and lean in as much as you can.
Lastly, This too shall pass!
This season of pain, confusion, loneliness and fear will pass.
I completely understand just how easy it is to find ourselves focusing on all of the pain in this season, and it can be more exacerbated when others are asking about the situations that are causing you pain, however please remember this:
You will not always be here in this place of pain. You will heal. You will walk out of the darkness and back into the light. You will find joy and peace in the trying circumstances. And most importantly you will continue to find new highs along your journey!
It is perfectly okay to sit with your feelings, to take time away from all that is overwhelming you and calm the mind.
“The mind is like water. When it’s turbulent, it’s difficult to see. When it’s calm, everything becomes clear.” – Prasad Mahes
I would love to help you through this holiday season, to help you reframe the dark winter nights, to calm the mind so you can see clearly!
Sincerely,
Your Coach!
Joni Woods
Relationship and Communication Coach
Journey Coaching
734-436-6200
Journeylifecoaching.life
Joniwoods.com
“Creating the future You want!”
Journey Coaching 