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Why Gratitude?
Why Gratitude?
“Being grateful does not mean that everything is necessarily good. It just means that you can accept it as a gift.” — Roy T. Bennett
This quote encompasses all that I feel about gratitude and why you need to make it a value choice for your life and your daily living!
In a world filled with distractions, stress, and constant striving, it’s easy to lose sight of the simple joys that surround us every day. Practicing gratitude is a powerful and transformative tool that can significantly enhance your mental health and overall well-being. Gratitude is not just about saying “thank you“; it is a mindset, a way of seeing the world, and a habit that can bring numerous benefits to your life. Most importantly, it will uplift your mental health during the difficult times of life!
When you practice daily gratitude, it redirects your attention from negative thoughts to positive aspects of your life. By consciously acknowledging the things you are grateful for, you shift your focus away from the things that may be causing you stress or anxiety. This change in perspective can reduce rumination and help you see the silver linings even in challenging situations. It’s important to note that it is not about diminishing the challenging situations you find yourself in, gratitude just helps you keep your head above water when you feel like you are drowning. Gratitude can truly enhance your emotional resilience, helping you cope better with life’s ups and downs. When you practice gratitude, you become more appreciative of the positive experiences in your life. This heightened emotional awareness can help you bounce back from setbacks and better manage those difficult situations that find their way into your life.
Expressing gratitude is also an incredible way to positively impact your relationships. When you show appreciation to others, you strengthen the bonds that are crucial for relational health. Gratitude fosters empathy, improves communication, and deepens connections with friends and family. Gratitude is essential to building stronger relationships that provide a valuable support system during times of emotional turmoil and stress. Keeping gratitude as a daily value does wonders to enhance your self-esteem and self-worth. When you focus on the positive aspects of your life and appreciate the good things you have achieved or experienced, it can and does boost your self-confidence. This increased self-esteem can protect you against negative self-talk and self-doubt, contributing to better mental health.
There is so much to be said about gratitude and during this month of November, where Thankfulness is on our brain, consider adding this as part of your daily mindset!
Your Coach –
Joni Woods, CLC
Relationship and Communication Coach
Journey Coaching
734-436-6200
Journeylifecoaching.life
Joniwoods.com
“Creating the future You want!”
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My Mental Health
Today is World Mental Health Day and after the summer I have had, I couldn’t let the day go by without at least addressing the importance of this movement to understand mental health and how it can cripple some individuals!
I, myself, experienced trauma this past May that left me emotionally numb in some areas, but also in a tremendous amount of pain in other areas. The mental experience required intentional conversations to even begin the process of healing. It all comes down to awareness.
In my coaching practice, I spend a lot of time working with clients and digging into their mental and emotional health awareness – it’s that word right there: AWARENESS. We can only grow in our relationships when we do the work to become aware of our mental and emotional health.
Think about this – the synonyms for awareness are: consciousness, recognitions, REALIZATION, cognizance, PERCEPTION, apprehension, understanding, grasp, appreciation, ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, knowledge, sensitivity to, sensibility to, INSIGHT INTO, familiarity with, ACQUAINTANCE WITH
When you REALIZE what your mental and emotional health looks like – you have a starting point to do the work.
When you understand how your mental and emotional health can change your PERCEPTION, you can ACKNOWLEDGE that maybe other people’s mental and emotional health are changing their perceptions.
When you have INSIGHTS INTO the power of mental and emotional health, you can control that power and turn it into a force for good.
Getting ACQUAINTED WITH your mental and emotional health is the best gift you can give yourself, your loved ones, your friends and your peers!
Bringing awareness to your mental health is more than just being aware of the “BIG” mental health issues such as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Personality Disorders, Phobias, ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, etc which may require medical interventions. Mental and emotional awareness is ALSO understanding the importance and origins of negative self-talk, fears, insecurities, narcissism, and low self-esteem; psychological aspects that can significantly impact a person’s well-being and the quality of their relationships!
When we talk about Mental Health Awareness, we do it because we know that the journey to mental and emotional wellness can be a daily battle – taken with so much intentionality, grace and understanding.
With all that said, let me tell you the story of my mental health, my daily battle.
I have never shied away from discussing the very deep depression I went through over three years ago, or acknowledging that my fear of rejection can trigger some very unhealthy avoidance techniques, or discovering that my anxiety is so bad that I leave bruises on my legs while I sleep because I am gripping them so much. Being able to discuss these kinds of mental health experiences are vital to building awareness! While these areas of mental struggle are a constant nuisance that can show up in various times of my life, my daily battle is my negative self-talk.
I am a product of the 80s, a time when a woman’s body image was dangerously unhealthy, a time when being loved was equated to a woman’s ability to submit to the described religious role, a time when a woman needed to always be put together in every area of their life, a time when a woman’s worth was only measured by the man in it. That was my mental programming. In so many unhealthy ways. For as long as I could remember.
Trying to reprogram my brain has come at a real cost.
I am left questioning my worth.
I am questioning my purpose.
I am questioning my value.
I am questioning my ability to be successful.
I am questioning if I will ever be loved.
Negative self-talk is not just the “oh you suck” when something small happens – negative self-talk is my brain’s attempt to convert ANY positive feelings into negative messages.
The most evident way it does this is the sad truth that I can barely look at myself in the mirror. My brain doesn’t see a warm comforting smile, but rather it sees ugliness and someone who will never be loved. My brain doesn’t see a well dressed, classy woman, but rather a disgusting body shape that would want to engage in unhealthy eating habits just to be valued. My brain cannot comprehend natural beauty, but would pick out all the flaws of a woman who “clearly just doesn’t care about herself”.
I suffer every morning when I get ready for work.
I suffer every time I walk by a window reflection or see a picture of myself.
I suffer in every conversation I have with strangers.
It is a daily battle to make positive choices for my physical health.
It’s a daily battle as I cry through the negative words said to me (which happens more than I care to admit), and treasure the kind encouragements that I do receive.
It is a daily battle to avoid negative coping mechanisms to make myself feel better.
It is a daily battle to place worth in all of the accomplishments I have achieved thus far.
It is a daily battle to have the hard conversations so I stay ahead of my negative self-talk.
It is a daily battle to repress my need for excessive affirmations – I have to love myself first!
I understand what it’s like to feel stuck in your head. That is why it is called mental health. Like I previously mentioned, the journey through mental health takes intentionality, understanding and grace!
I am intentional with placing value on the healthy emotional, mental and physical choices that I can make. I am intentional in understanding and accepting my limitations, differences and humanness. I am intentional in giving myself grace when I do give into my negative self-talk.
I hope that through all of my own personal work, I will only deepen my empathy, compassion and love for those who struggle in their own daily battles!! No one can truly know what someone else is going through and I cannot fight anyone else’s battle for them – but I want to be an encouragement and a safe space for others to share their battles!
No one can truly know what someone else is going through, behind closed doors, behind smiles, behind sad eyes, and to disregard what someone struggles with just because they don’t seem “the type” is a dangerous precedent to set.
The whole point of Mental Health Awareness is to bring light to the areas that people keep dark and hidden.
The “pretty” face who struggles with negative self talk.
The “happy” guy who struggles with depression.
The “successful” executive who is on the brink of a breakdown.
If we talk about the pain we suffer, maybe we can save the next “happy” Robin Williams, the “popular” Stephen “tWitch” Boss, the “world-renowned” Anthony Bourdaine, or the “beautiful and successful” Miss Universe Chelsie Kryst from getting lost in their head and taking their own lives.
So I caution: Be careful how you respond to someone else’s mental health journey, you want to build trust – not break it!
If you need help on a mental or emotional health journey and want someone to come alongside you – please reach out!
I’d love to support you!
Please follow me on my social media platforms for words of encouragement and support!
Instagram – joniwoods
Facebook – joniwoods
TikTok – joniwoods730
On my personal websites or here at the SunTimes News!
Sincerely,
Your coach!
Joni Woods, ACC
Relationship and Communication Coach
Journey Coaching
734-436-6200
“Creating the future You want!”
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Imposter Syndrome
“I still have a little bit of impostor syndrome. It doesn’t go away, that feeling that you shouldn’t take me that seriously. What do I know? I share that with you because we all have doubts in our abilities, about our power and what that power is.” Michelle Obama
I met with a new client who is looking to work on fixing her staffing problems. With everything I do, it comes down to relationships and communication, so we are getting ready to tackle the infighting within her executive staff.
What I felt so personally, as we were doing our intake form, is when she made this comment “I write and speak about cohesiveness and team-building, but my own team is ready to quit. I feel like a fraud.”
My heart breaks for those who believe that their struggles invalidate what they are trying to accomplish!
And I suffer the same plight. As a relationship and communication coach, I should be on top of my game in all of my relationships and how I communicate my feelings and needs – however, the truth is that I can fail just as anyone does.
It was a late Friday evening. I could feel my anxiety was climbing and rather than communicate what I needed, I pushed it aside and found myself hitting a new level of overwhelming stress; as fate would have it my best friend and I disagreed (on something that had very little to do with us) and I have no words to describe the absolute fear of rejection and self-loathing that flooded my body. I packed up my belongings, the animals, and silently left her home in the middle of the night. It took two days of laying in bed, sleeping, crying, texting my children, and ignoring the world BEFORE I was able to start to do the emotional work of resetting my mindset. The physical work of calming my nervous system. The mental work of understanding that I am in the absolute worst season of my life, and I will most likely fail in a lot of ways that could potentially hurt the ones I love most in the world.
Imposter syndrome is the worst. I wish I could say that everything I believe in communication and relationships will always solve any problems with the various people in your life. I cannot make that promise. And I was very honest with my client about that fact.
But what I can do. What I strive to do in my own life and my own relationships is to keep coming back!
My natural instinct is flight. There is very very little fight left in me. I’m pretty broken, and essentially very fragile.
It’s a trauma response that I am aware of and can’t necessarily change. However, I need to be (and am) open to learning from my mistakes. To own my poor choices. To understand that while “we hurt the ones we love” we can also apologize for the wrongs and communicate why events occurred the way that they did.
And just pray that that is enough.
Self-awareness comes in all kinds of forms. It is understanding that we are not perfect. We are flawed human beings, trying to be the best versions of ourselves. A beautiful mess.
Imposter Syndrome aside. We are trying and that is all that anyone can ask of us!
I would love support you in your journey of authenticity – please reach out if I can be an ear of support!
Stay connected via my social media
Instagram – joniwoods
Facebook – joniwoods
TikTok – joniwoods730
Website:
Joniwoods.com
Journeylifecoaching.life
And upcoming more podcasts!
Sincerely, your coach!
Joni Woods
Relationship and Communication Coach
Journey Coaching
734-436-6200
Journeylifecoaching.life
Joniwoods.com
“Creating the future You want!”
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Adrenaline Spike
I was supposed to share a life update at one of my board meetings this morning. I had taken the time to write out exactly what I wanted to say. Because I wanted to be prepared to authentically share.
I never showed up.
My adrenaline (fight or flight) kicked in and I had spent the last 24 hours with a racing heart, high blood pressure and so much fear.
While I can’t tell you why I chickened out (though I could probably give an educated guess) what I do know is I woke up at 4:30am and tried to talk myself into going to my meeting – but by 7:30 am sent a message to the board president and told him I would not be attending.
I wanted to be ready. I wanted to share. I wanted to feel safe with my group and know that being vulnerable was okay. 😔
However, I never got there. I don’t know if I will ever get there….nevertheless, I want to! I know that my experiences are not far from what others go through – even if it takes us a while to get there – we can all suffer in life. We can all be fearful of showing our true selves, we can all be weary of trusting those around us; however, I know the intimacy and connection that happens when we do give trust – far outweighs the loneliness we feel when we can’t trust those around us.
I hope my fear evaporates.
Until then – here is what I was going to share.
“Well we all know how the start of my summer went. At our last meeting, I had asked him to just skip over everything but I did want to give an update now.
The fire was almost ten weeks ago and the kids and I have moved 6 different times.
We are set to land in our final home on August 20 and I feel like I am holding my breath because unfortunately I do suffer from a lot of fear and anxiety right now.
June was probably the worst month of my life.
I don’t say that lightly.
I don’t say that dramatically.
In the last seven years I have had two miscarriages, lost both of my parents, walked my children through the loss of my ex husband – even been homeless for a minute – so I am very familiar with grief and loss.
But I have never experienced the kind of absolute hopelessness and complete loss of control – that I felt during the month of June.
It felt like I was trying to run on quicksand.
As if EVERY aspect of my life was held in the hands of other people.
People who didn’t know or care about how hopeless I felt in my life.
Things got better in July – as I found more stable places for us to stay, the insurances started to get paid out, and I felt like I could be in control of my life again. So as a family we hunted for houses, bought new cars, started to purchase the basics that we had gone without- simple joys like cooking were celebrated!
The most unexpected surprise was how well the business side of my life is going. In June I was sure I’d have to give up coaching, and all of my dreams of coaching and helping relationships and people and living my dreams.
But in the previous six months- I had little moments cross my path which have since turned into bigger opportunities and I couldn’t be more cautiously optimistic about the path I’m on. I truly believe big things are coming! It’s incredibly scary.
Everyone always asks about the kids.
They are actually doing just fine.
They make me feel like a superhero.
To be fair, they don’t spend their nights looking at finances and budgets and expenses- but they have not once expressed any fear about the next step in our journey. I feel so encouraged and strengthened by their confidence in me. They never doubted that I would see us through this. I can’t tell you just how much that helped me find solid ground.
I have brought them along with me in every step of this rebuilding. Mortgages, house hunting, rejection, acceptances, inspections, rentals, car purchases, therapy and soooo much more. The life lessons have been so good. My son has since joined the conflict resolution team at his high school.
I don’t know how I was allowed to raise such amazing children but I don’t take it for granted.
They like to make fun of my PTSD and the crazy amount of adrenaline that kicks in whenever I’m triggered.
My emotional bandwidth is pretty short- I didn’t even want to be here on this call- and I will most likely drop out of meetings a lot earlier than I should.
So please be patient and you can definitely encourage/challenge me to stay. All of it helps – I essentially need to feel safe – so my kids enjoying teasing me saying “mom we are fine” . It actually helps me keep my PTSD under control (and with the help of my therapist). That and the amazing support of so many close friends who have seen the absolute worst parts of me and have continued to love, care and show up for me and my family.
I have learned countless lessons – but the biggest is giving myself grace. I have failed my personal expectations of walking through a tremendous crisis, in a lot of ways and those closest to me (who I love so very much) have had to carry the brunt of my very challenging emotions.
But I’m just as human as the next person, I need to accept responsibility for my actions and then move on- and pray that those closest to me extend the same grace.
I’m looking forward to a fresh start in a few weeks.
New home, new school year, and new business opportunities!
The kids would love to see me in a relationship and happy – they keep asking when I am going to start dating – but there’s no time or emotional space for that.
I just want to network and keep growing my business!
So please send ANY and all opportunities my way!
Words of advice to avoid my life situation – have a fire extinguisher close! Be prepared to leave everything behind, and don’t go back in for the animals, they most definitely find their way out of the house!”
That was it.
That was me.
I couldn’t show up to share this.
I have failed communicatively and emotionally in so many ways.
Everyone tells me it’s okay – but I feel like a failure and that has kept me isolated. I wanted to be better under pressure. I wanted to recognize the projection before it happened.
I wanted to not ruin relationships but make them better.
I failed.
What I have ahead of me is a fresh start.
August 20th is my fresh start.
Go back to just the very basics of my life. Guard myself, my heart and just life the best, simple life that I can!!
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Feelings, Thoughts, Actions
What happens when your feelings betray you?
I try to give an abundance of grace in my conversations with clients. I believe we do not do that enough. We all need a little bit of grace! We need more people in this world who are not going to jump to conclusions- but rather work to fully and completely understand the situation they are facing!
And each situation always starts with feelings!
Here is where the grace part comes in – we need to realize that HOW feelings show up is something we cannot control. I wish that I could – for each person who struggles with fear, hurt, anxiety, guilt, shame, loneliness, pride, jealousy or even love – I wish I could tell you that WHEN those feelings show up are within your control. You can put up safe guards, process the past, you can do the work- and those unexpected feelings may STILL show up when you least expect them to.
It’s what you do with those feelings that can transform your situations, connections, relationships, character, personal integrity, etc.
I tell my clients – sit with your feelings. Please just sit with your feelings! (check out a past article about how to do it). Sitting with your feelings helps you understand where they are coming from. And if need be, put distance between what is triggering your feelings and the plan on how you ultimately want to CONTROL them.
Because (and this is KEY) unchecked feelings can turn into unfiltered thoughts. And those unfiltered thoughts can turn into careless actions. And we all know that careless actions almost always turn into negative results.
I am in the midst of my own personal journey of “checking my feelings”. Keeping them reigned in through open and honest conversation with a trusted confidant – that includes a lot of grace for myself and non judgmental accountability. Accountability is not an enjoyable part of any conversation. It can be scary if you are reaching out to a friend or loved one – because we all want to be good and honorable and without fault. However, finding the right accountability partner makes all the difference in the world. Someone who listens without judgment and helps you check your feelings with grace, understanding and a deep appreciation for our authenticity!
Seeing that it is our authenticity that makes us human, that builds connection, intimacy and trust – being authentic is what I want my clients to strive for! An authentic and genuine life has so many benefits to not only our relational health but emotional and mental health as well!!
If you need a coach who understands what it means to sit with your feelings – I am that coach!
Please contact me if you find yourself dealing with unexpected feelings – I would be honored and I’d love to help!
Joni Woods, ACC
Relationship and Communication Coach
Journey Coaching
734-436-6200
Journeylifecoaching.life
Joniwoods.com
“Creating the future You want!”
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What is Love?
What is Love?
As a relationship coach, one of the first steps in the process of working with others and their various relationships is helping them to define what love truly is.
We have this notion that love is without conflict. If we are truly meant to be together, then we would never fight. Healthy conflict, where issues are discussed and resolved, is a beautiful way to build relationship intimacy and trust! Find someone who wants to make the effort to have healthy conflict!
We have this notion that love comes in and rescues us. We have Disney movies to thank for that. No one can be a savior in a relationship. When that happens we run the risk of unhealthy codependency rather than healthy interdependence as each person works to support each other through their issues! Find someone who knows they can’t make everything better in your life, but they want nothing more than to stand with you, cheerlead and encourage you while you work through any problems that cross your path!
We have this notion that love means we will be adored and worshiped. The problem with pedestals is you can fall off of them. What people forget is that being adored and worshiped sets unrealistic expectations, on themselves, that no one can maintain for a long term. Then fears of failure and rejection set in and a terrible cycle of facade can begin! Find someone who understands that unconditional love means you are loved in spite of your faults!
We have this notion that love means we don’t have to work on our issues. We should just be accepted as ourselves. No one is perfect! We all need to soften our edges, learn how to communicate, overcome our personal issues, unlearn unhealthy habits and heal past traumas! Find someone who doesn’t ignore your issues or worse, throws them back in your face; but rather stands by as you work through your issues as they work through their own!
We have this notion that the amount someone loves us is their responsibility only. You said you would always love me. When you ignore, disregard, set aside someone who loves you, their love depletes, it does not grow. We are built for connection and if you do not stay authentically connected in your relationships, the space between them will only get deeper and wider. Find someone who understands healthy boundaries so that you may learn healthy boundaries!
Love is an absolutely beautiful gift we can give away to so many people, however love can easily be warped into so many unhealthy ways. Clearly understanding what healthy love is supposed to look like can give us the life we have always wanted!
However – a word of caution. Love, that love that makes you wish you could give the entire world to someone, or just caress their cheek while you look them in the eye – that love can burn like hot lava in your soul. Use care on who you allow into those deepest parts – they may not treasure it as much as you hope. Stay tuned on how to guard your heart.
Let me know if I can help you work through your personal definition of love and how it relates to your relationships!
Check out my blog joniwoods.com to find more articles of my passion for love, authenticity, and vulnerability!
Joni Woods, ACC
Relationship and Communication Coach
Journey Coaching
734-436-6200
Journeylifecoaching.life
Joniwoods.com
“Creating the future You want!”
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Leave Your Opinion at the Door
Leave Your Opinion at the Door
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” –Stephen R. Covey
Years ago I had a terrible habit of starting books and not finishing them. I love to read – I can go to a bookstore and pick up way too many books and just dive into all of them. One might think that the issue is then – stop buying so many books at once. However, that was not the source of the problem. What I found myself doing is reading about two thirds of a book and then believing I knew how it was going to end.
I had made an assumption on the outcome. I had evaluated the rest of the book without reading it.
It was a bad habit I had gotten myself into. I recognized that it not only meant I missed out on some more insights, I wanted to do a check on my arrogance! Who was I, to think that I was done learning from that particular author. Who was I, to think that I didn’t need to further my understanding of a particular topic.
One of the foundational principles for Effective Communication is the ability to observe a situation, a conversation, a conflict WITHOUT making an evaluation.
That means that when someone’s behavior changes- I DO NOT assume they are mad at me. I ask “are you mad at me?”
That means that when someone doesn’t return my calls or messages, I DO NOT assume that they are ignoring me. I ask “Are you intentionally ignoring me?”
I stop my wildly insecure self from falling into a pit of self doubt filled with loads of fear of rejection; and I ask questions.
When you ask questions – you stop the escalation. Not only the escalation of a potential issue, but the escalation of one’s fears, doubts and insecurities. You put a brake on a potential conflict so you can better hear what is actually being said; not what you ASSUME is trying to be conveyed.
Working to OBSERVE and not EVALUATE is without a doubt one of the harder steps to Effective Communication- and I myself struggle to do it well.
Observing means you continue to take in information, without adding your opinion to the conversation. Many, myself included, can struggle with that. We see through our own lenses and long to reach a quick conclusion, and a quick resolution.
If you are a work in progress like me- and need some guidance on how to observe a situation or conflict – WITHOUT adding your evaluation to it- reach out! I’d love work with you on the foundations of Effective Communication!
Or join me at 8am on Tuesday May 2nd, 2023 at Weber’s Restaurant as I discuss Effective Communication!
Joni Woods, ACC
Relationship and Communication Coach
Journey Coaching
734-436-6200
Journeylifecoaching.life
Joniwoods.com
“Creating the future You want!”
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Sitting with your Feelings
Sitting with Your Feelings
“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.“-Oscar Wilde
A popular therapy/coaching phrase that you may hear is to “sit with your feelings”. If you are anything like me, I had a weird visual of sitting in an uncomfortable yoga pose and doing labored breathwork.
That may work for some, so does a walk, or a strenuous workout, or for myself, I work through my feelings, frustrations or triggers by writing and writing and writing. There are many times when I don’t sleep well because I’m up at three am, just thinking through each situation, each conversation and all of the results thus far. It can almost border on obsessive because I want to be fully aware, fully attuned to my emotions. Like the quote said, I want to “dominate them”. Nevertheless, none of that obsessive evaluation of the situations or conversations or writing will do me any good if I don’t focus on the FEELINGS that are DRIVING my decision making.
In the five components of Emotional Intelligence, Self-Awareness is the knowledge of one’s own thoughts, feelings and motivations. When we pair this with Self-Regulation, the ability to regulate emotions and actions in a variety of environments, you have successfully navigated what “sitting with your feelings” means. However, what does that really look like??
First and foremost – when an issue comes up with a friend, family, peer, etc – avoid the three D’s of unhealthy conversations – deny, dismiss, deflect! When you use your own self-awareness you can begin to look at YOUR personal red flags. I hate to be the one to say it – but NO ONE is right 100% of the time. If your “go to” method of defense, in a conflict, is to deny, dismiss or deflect – there’s a good chance you are missing out on some valuable personal growth and deeper, more meaningful relationships.
Once you have an open mind to truly hear what others are saying to you, it’s time to look at why you made the decision you did. Remember self-awareness is the knowledge of one’s own thoughts, feelings and motivations. Your goal is to get to the core feeling that is driving your choices, reactions, thoughts etc – to address that feeling and change the pattern.
Regardless of how you start doing the work (walk, write, workout, yoga etc) what you want to do is work backwards.
A small issue with a loved one, friend or peer has turned into a huge conflict and the relationship has hit a wall.
Are you angry? Yes
Why are you angry? I felt disrespected
Why is respect important to you? I feel valued when I am shown respect.
Are you feeling undervalued in another area of your life? Yes, a manager at work doesn’t appreciate all the extra work I’ve put in.
Could you be lashing out at your loved one, friend or peer because of the issues at work? (Crickets)
How do you rectify each situation?
First, apologize to said loved one, friend or peer for lashing out, be open and maybe a bit vulnerable while explaining the progression of your choices during the situation/conflict – this helps grow trust and healthy relationships (also a big step in Emotional Intelligence). Secondly, work towards communicating with the manager and expressing your need for appreciation and respect; and you might find that you have improved TWO relationships!
I can appreciate that this may feel like a very long and arduous process, and in some ways it can be, especially if the work is one-sided. However, the “return on investment” into your pursuit of healthy Emotional Intelligence can’t be measured!
If you need help working through emotions, feelings or overall emotional intelligence- please reach out! I’d love to help!
Or join me at 8am on Tuesday May 2nd, 2023 at Weber’s Restaurant as I discuss Effective Communication!
Joni Woods, ACC
Relationship and Communication Coach
Journey Coaching
734-436-6200
Journeylifecoaching.life
Joniwoods.com
“Creating the future You want!”
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The End is Near
“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings” Lau Tzu
So begins a time of transition! You just have to stand outside and feel the change coming. The cool breeze under the warm sun, the electricity in the air as the warm front pushes the cold temperatures out, maybe sparking quite the storm in its path…..regardless of how Spring is ushered in, what we can lean into is knowing that those dark, cold, sometimes painful days are now behind us.
And we begin to make plans, for summer boating, lazy days by the pool, on the golf course, sitting with old or new friends, firepits, marshmallows and possibilities.
This is a way we can reframe change in our lives. Even some of the most painful changes. The ones where loss is felt in the depths of our hearts and souls. Where we want nothing more than to avoid “the end”! Therapist John Kim does a great job reframing what an ending looks like!
“What’s ending in your life right now? An old dream? A new love? Pressure to be someone you’re not? School? A career? Friendships? Old beliefs? A long road of absolutely nothing?
Whatever is ending, know that that ending is opening a new door. You may not see it yet because what we want and in the time we want it rarely matches reality. But every ending creates something new. New relationships.
New opportunities. New definitions. New perspective. New priorities. New chapters. So instead of panicking and holding on, what if you allowed it? What if you leaned into the ending? Encouraged it?
Nothing is permanent. Things need to end for life to unfold. Holding onto endings that you cannot control is called suffering. Let go. Let life.” The Angry Therapist- John Kim
What if you encouraged it? What if you leaned into the ending? Instead of fighting it. Instead of remaining stuck. Let the ending catapult you into a life you never imagined!!
That life you are looking for is out there. That love you are seeking is waiting to be found! You can find a new you, a new hope and a new purpose when you are willing to reframe what this ending looks like!
If you need help working through any changes in your life, please do not hesitate to reach out! I am happy to help!
Joni Woods, ACC
Relationship and Communication Coach
Journey Coaching
734-436-6200
Journeylifecoaching.life
“Creating the future You want!”
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The Litmus Tests
I am a huge fan of physical touch! I would do well in an Italian or Greek family!
A big hug in greeting or goodbye.
A sympathetic hand to hold.
An empathetic shoulder to rest on.
I believe in the power of touch!
Which is why I believe touch needs to be incorporated in the litmus tests of relationships. Not everyone is a fan of touch. For whatever reason, they need their personal space and that must be respected!
Though most exercises can be adapted to accommodate even the most difficult of situations. It is all about building trust!
As a relationship coach, my go to are the six second kiss, the fifteen second hug and the general space tests.
The Six-second Kiss was coined by renowned marriage researcher John Gottman. When we kiss someone new, it’s exciting because it is our first time experiencing the other person intimately. We not only build up the anticipation in our minds, when the opportunity arises we slow down so we can take our time, bathe in it, get lost in the moment of intimacy, exploration, discovery and connection.
Once we are in a relationship, kissing becomes routine and the joy of exploration is over. We use kissing as a handshake, a “hi”, a “bye”, a “see you later”, or a gateway to other things. Rarely do we kiss to discover our partner in their new seasons of life. We forget the true meaning behind kissing; it is a way to express, connect, validate, assure, give, share, trust and explore. John Gottman recommends the practice of a six-second kiss, twice a day.
You heard that right.
Kiss your partner for six-seconds, twice a day. It will most likely feel very awkward at first, and I have no doubt that you and your partner can make jokes to help ease the awkwardness. It is okay! In fact embrace it, because this just means you are both in a position to try something new!
So practice and by all means enjoy practicing! Let that extra time remind you of why you are together, why you are both working on building or rebuilding your relationship.
This practice also works as a radar. If there are hurt feelings, if there’s bitterness or resentment, a six-second kiss will bring it to the surface, where both of you can acknowledge its existence!
And welcome to the world of healthy communication! When you start to feel anything, talk about it. Good and bad
While the six second kiss is immensely appropriate for intimate relationships with your partner- there are some relationships that require a different approach to the litmus test.
Familial or close friendships may benefit from the fifteen second hug. Less for the ability to “connect and discover” one another, but MORE for knowing who is a safe person in your circle. A safe person who accepts you for who you are. Who encourages you, challenges you to be better, who doesn’t allow mediocrity but celebrates authenticity!
We really only have three people, outside of our intimate partners, whom we would call close friends. We all know how difficult it can be to find those three close friends – this or the space test can be your best option!
The space test just requires you to stop, focus your thoughts on any one individual and sit with the feelings that may arise.
A lot of what I do as a coach is to have you step back and sit with the feelings or emotions you may be experiencing in a given situation.
My favorite quote is “knowing is half the battle” from GI Joe: how can we know how to improve, grow, better our lives if we don’t do the work to KNOW!
Work to know how you feel about all of your relationships, keeping them healthy and growing!
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